How could it have been a week since the Intrepid was pulled from the mud? That’s about what I feel like—maybe I’ve been stuck in the mud? Jumping in place? Holding my own?
For the first couple days I was blaming it on the ice underfoot in the driveway (no matter how hard I chipped, it would not break up to be shoveled away) and the cold weather.
For the last couple days, temperatures have not been below freezing, the sun shines, the ice is melting without any effort on my part.
And still, I am blah.
I wanted to get out of the house. My messy house, where I keep seeing things which need doing, but I give myself a mental note and say I’ll get to it later.
Plenty of time later. Not like I have a timeclock to punch.
When I had my Edu Psyche class, I took a personality test which describes me as someone who needs motivation from external sources. In a school classroom, stickers and high marks for grades are used for persuasion.
Growing up in my mother’s house, she would invite her Sunday School class or be hostess for the Girl Scout Troop as incentive to clean. Not to mention all the tv commercials for Mr. Clean’s white tornado or Pine-Sol pleasant scent.
I don’t invite people over. Some folks say this is selfish, that I use the clutter as an excuse to be withdrawn. Maybe I need some more sessions with a therapist to figure my mind.
The Christmas boxes were against the back wall of the storeroom. In order to get to them, I had to haul out several boxes of toys which had been put away when I was done doing home daycare. It seemed crazy to return them to the dark, since the sons don’t seem to want any of them. I called my brother and asked if he would want them. Some were his, passed down to my boys, used much.
He said Yes, so Husband boxed them up.
Just what I needed to get me out and about somewhere with a purpose. The UPS store is in the same plaza as a craft store and the B & N bookstore. All I spent was 54c on a roll of ribbon, but watching the people interactions was nice.
The Red Cross website said that a Blood Drive was happening in the Bone Center. I also had to go to the Credit Union in the same building. A lovely sunny day for a walk.
Alas, my hematocrit number is still not high enough for me to donate. The nurse stresses that I am not anemic, just don’t qualify on their terms, and admonished about drinking tea and the tannic acid. I cannot give up my morning brew, so I’ll have to up the intake of foods high in iron, and maybe find a better supplement.
On campus, the stress of Finals week hangs in the air. The professors with the writing questions and the grade scale, the students using extended hours at the library, the computer tech gets apprehensive phone calls about dvd reads. Such a different place than the mill town where I grew up. There’s an article in the paper about the cost of college tuition, how students cannot possibly pay everything every semester and graduate promptly in four years. Times like this, with the eerie aura I feel just walking across a parking lot, I wonder when life as we know it will come crashing down.
I was talking to an 80 year old lady the other day. She lived 30 years before I was born. I asked her if the first 30 or this latest 30 were more difficult. She said when she was 50, right where I am now, she looked at her empty nest and thought she would never be busy or happy again. Then she said a door opened up, she stepped out on faith, and realized that the Lord has a plan for each one of us, and puts us in a place where we should do the most good. The last 30 years have been full of joy.
I’m still looking.
And I sure hope the plan does not include decorating a Christmas tree or stocking shelves at a supercenter. Neither one of those activities seems at all appealing to me right now.
What I will be doing is rummage through the freezer to find something for supper. Tiny steps for family harmony.
~~love and Huggs, Diane