All week long I was getting myself all talked into being ready for the routine physical female exam.
No big deal, long overdue, Great Nurse Practitioner.
The first thing is to get weighed. That’s 9 pounds more than the last time I was on a scale. Proof positive I’m sitting too long in this chair in front of view screens.
Then the blood pressure. Well, after seeing the number on the scale, doncha think my blood pressure might have raised just a little? Yeah, it’s on the upper number of normal. Gotta watch it, high blood pressure leads to a stroke, and heaven knows, there were enough of them happening on my dad’s side of the gene pool. Sure, it’s connected to the weight.
Get undressed. Pants go on the seat of the chair I have just vacated. Then undies and bra, with shirt on top. Isn’t that the way women do it? Why have the delicates right out there in full view? There oughta be a little cubbie box or something.
The one hook on the wall is way over in the corner near the head of the exam table.
Then I waited almost 15 minutes with the sheet and the drape (that’s what the assistant called the 3 x 3 piece of cloth covering my upper body). I could hear mumbling in the room next door, so I figured the CNP was getting behinder on appointment time.
No matter, I had kept the day free for this little jaunt.
I notice there’s this little line-up of bottles to collect samples resting on a clean pad on the desk. It looks like so much work for some Lab person.
After the CNP comes in and ask more questions, we figure out the non-regular times of my supposedly monthly cycle.
Menopause is not a straight and narrow trip.
Then I assume the position.
And each of the little bottles gets its little specimen and I figure we’re just about done when I hear “Hmm, nice polyp….”
Now, I don’t know but two other people ever who have had a polyp, and the word Nice was not in the same sentence, no matter where in their body said polyp might be.
As she’s poking around a bit more, she says “It looks like I can get that taken care of today”. She straightens up, pulls the sheet over me, tosses away her gloves, then goes out the door saying she’ll be right back.
Meanwhile, I do believe this is the longest I have ever had my knees as high as my waist, and that takes into account pushing out three babies. Gheezsh!
When she comes back in, her arms are full of packages and she’s chattering words like “the doctor says we’re good to go and when I order your labs be sure to include this and add on a possible consult with a proctologist and how’s your feet doing?”
Someone who enjoys her work. on a Thursday no less.
I’m not sure what all else went on down there because I think some numbing solution was applied. The piece of tissue looked as big as a nickel when it was dropped into the solution of the jar.
There’s very little bleeding, but it means I do have to wear a pad and not my Diva Cup.
This afternoon was my Mammogram (Six
squishes films. SIX!), tomorrow is the Podiatrist for the lump in the arch of my left foot (which is unrelated to the female exam but is still a medical appointment)(and being in stirrups didn’t help).
Monday is fasting blood work at the Lab. Hopefully all specimens and doctor’s orders will be overlapping now that the departmental computer system is on the same network.
The results can be taking as long as 3 weeks. Which is fine with me, I’ll be done with the Edu Psyche class around that time, we’ll go on from then.
You all take care of yourselfs.
It seems I should be taking better care of me.
~~love and Huggs, Diane